Twilight Heroes Wiki - User contributions [en]

Gallagher's mallet

2008-03-12T19:17:34Z

MrGuy:

{{item
|descid=5193491
|itemid=220
|name=Gallagher's mallet
|image=gallaghers-mallet.gif
|desc=This is one of the most obscenely efficient splattering tools you have ever seen. Weirdly, every time you use it, people start cheering and applauding like a bunch of maniacs. Even stranger, the nearer they are to you, the more they cheer.
|type=Melee
|power=110
|level=10
|autosell=175
|ench=+30 damage to melons}}

==How Obtained==
{{weld|plasteel plating|hedge slammer|Gallagher's mallet}}

==Notes==
*+30 damage to melons is currently believed to be a joke enchantment.

==References==
*[[Wikipedia:Leo_Gallagher|Leo Gallagher]] is an American comedian who, as part of his act, smashes watermelons with a hammer. Since there are no watermelon enemies, this is a gag enchantment.

Robo cap

2008-03-12T19:14:10Z

MrGuy: Needs checkin'

{{item
|descid=9364951
|itemid=401
|name=robo cap
|image=cybertronium-helmet.gif
|desc=This cap comes with three directives: serve the public trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law. As a hero, that's right up your alley. No, there's no hidden fourth directive. Don't be silly! Why do you ask?
|type=helmet
|power=65
|level=12
|autosell=256
|ench=Improved computer interaction.}}

==How Obtained==
[[Wade-bot Base]]
*Trade 1 [[cybertronium]] sheet, 1 [[laser macrodiode]], 1 [[mona lisa drivetrain]], and 3 [[enerbun globule]]s

==Notes==
*The directives and "fourth directive" are a reference to I, Robot.

Big Bad John Steele

2008-03-05T20:31:06Z

MrGuy:

{{underconstruction|comment=Needs chips drop range, combat messages}}
{{fight
|pronoun=
|name=Big Bad John Steele
|desc=You bust into the office and demand a showdown with Big J. For a moment he just laughs at you, and you're amazed to hear it echo hollowly, as if inside his skull. The man is also huge. When he stands you're taken aback to see that--while he's not eight feet tall like you'd heard--he's at the very least seven feet and solidly muscular. John Steele gives you a "bring it on" gesture and stands, quietly waiting. Not one to pass up an advantage, you swing your fist. John twitches slightly, but you connect solidly with the side of his head.

'''KLONGGGGGGGG!!!!'''

You shout in pain and surprise and cringe backwards, rubbing your aching fist. What the ... ?

John continues to laugh, the sound of it echoing oddly in the room. There's something odd about his hair where you hit him, too. With another chuckle John pulls off what's apparently a wig and some sort of plastic scalp cover, revealing a shining stainless steel dome underneath! The man's head is made of metal! This can't possibly be good ...

|image=John-steele.jpg
|hit=
|critical=
|miss=
|fumble=
|xp=150
|chips=549
|loc1=Jax 'Za pizza shop}}

[[Category: Bosses]]

User:MrGuy

2008-02-16T15:44:33Z

MrGuy: I need to update more often.

/\
/ \
/ \
\ /
\ /
\/

I don't know how to make an ASCII spade.

___ ___
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |

/\
/ \

Anyway, I am a POWER PLAYER! I love discovery and ownership, and currently own 9/11 still-obtainable merit badges. _______________________________________________________________________________________
You gain 402,060 experience.

[[Image: Suit-points.gif]] Your watch beeps with an update from the S.U.I.T. software. That fight against a U.I.T. really paid off in usable info! You processed a chunk of data worth '''612 S.U.I.T. points.'''

Susan Novak

2008-02-13T20:02:45Z

MrGuy: The third time. Definitely the third.

''Return to [[University Heights]].''

[[Image:novak.gif|center]]

*Susan Novak is an NPC who first shows up in the level 4 quest, [[Protests Aren't for Amateurs]]. She has the player ID #21.
*Susan Novak can be found and spoken to in [[University Heights]].
*After completing the quest, Novak sends you a private message when you next gain a level. The message contains the book [[77 Habits of Highly Effective Heroes]]
[[Category:NPC]]
 
----
 
'''''Text from Susan before [[Just Deserts]] -- when does this first show up?''''' 
 
Susan asks if you ever patrol out of town. When you mention that you've spent time in the desert, she suggests that you may want to keep an eye out for anything interesting. Particularly if you can get an elevated view, that may be a good way to scout out strange activity in and around the mysterious Area 54. "I don't really buy the conspiracy theories, but your reports of giant insects out there make me think there must have been some nuclear testing at some point."
 
 
'''''If you speak to Susan after encountering the [[Just Deserts]] adventure:''''' 
 
You stop in and tell Susan about the mysterious mechanical ruin you found in the desert. She listens thoughtfully, first seeming skeptical but then growing more interested as you fill in the details. When you're done, Susan has you go over everything a couple of times, to make sure she understands. Finally you ask, "So, what do you think?" 
 
Susan pauses to collect her thoughts. "As always, I'm skeptical until I have more data, but this sounds intriguing. There are any number of possible explanations, and in the limited light it makes your observations all the more suspect, but I'll definitely send out a team tomorrow to investigate. I don't know if I mentioned, but I'm not only faculty here at the university, I'm also a founding member of an 'abnormal occurrences' research team." 
 
"You mean something like the S.U.I.T. researchers?" 
 
Susan laughs. "No, those guys are a bunch of quacks. We like to collect stories of all sorts of unusual occurrences--paranormal investigation, U.F.O.s, you name it. We're open-minded skeptics, so we don't have an agenda to prove people wrong, just apply good science. Most of it still involves telling crazy pepole they're delusional, but it's an interesting hobby." 
 
Susan suggests you check back in tomorrow evening and she'd let you know what she's found. 
 
'''''If you come back and speak to Susan after waiting for rollover to occur:''''' 
 
"[Player]! Come in. I've got exciting news! That crash site you found out in the desert, it's amazing! Whatever it is, it's not of human origin, you're right about that. It was mechanical, but it's not like any kind of machinery I've ever seen, and what little bit of language could be found is no earthly language. Plus it's got to be hundreds or thousands of years old--again, too old for humans." 
 
"Did you find anything significant?" you ask. 
 
"Other than the discovery of non-human life out in the universe? It's too early to say for sure. There's one thing that's particularly interesting, and I'll get to that in a moment. Most of what's in there was badly damaged--it looks like whatever it was crash landed and barely survived complete destruction, and time has not been kind to it since. There's no sign of life, either, which is strange. Either it was an unmanned ship, or the beings inside it escaped before the crash." 
 
Susan continues, "There's all kinds of things we can learn from this technology, given the time to piece it together again. But there's one thing we got out of there, though, that's particularly intriguing. We found a large crate that was damaged on the surface, but the inner contents were exceptionally well padded. Layer after layer of strange materials: foams and harnesses and whatnot. Inside were two large devices, shaped like hollow triangles. We have no idea what they're for, but at least on the surface they appear to be in perfect physical condition. They're our best hope for learning something about this technology. We've brought them back to the lab for investigation. Check back in tomorrow and I'll tell you what we've found." 
 
'''''If you come back and speak to Susan after waiting for another rollover to occur:''''' 
 
"We've got amazing news!" Susan says before you can even say hi. For someone who likes to talk about being calm and rational, she looks like she's about to explode. "Those triangles? They're portals! To each other. You go in one, and you come out the other." 
 
"Wait," you say, "like a tunnel or something?" 
 
"No, like teleporting. Instantaneous matter transmission. You know, 'Beam me up, Scotty.' Or something right out of Stargate. The triangles aren't connected, and it doesn't matter how far apart they are. Here, watch." 
 
Susan turns on a TV in her office and starts playing a DVD. "This is a recording from earlier, when we still had both of them in the lab." The scene is a large garage or warehouse. Two large metal triangles are set up 30 feet apart. The space inside the triangle shimmers oddly. As you watch, a woman approaches one of the triangles, steps inside, and steps outside of the other one. "Wow ..." is all you can think to say. 
 
"Exactly. We've driven one out to the edge of the city, and the results are the same. Instantaneous travel." 
 
"What are you going to do with them?" 
 
"Oh, that's obvious. We send it to space. There's all kinds of potential uses, but the greatest energy challenge we face is getting materials into orbit. If we can essentially get up there for free, it opens up space travel in a way nobody has ever imagined. It's hard not to sound over dramatic, but this could be the most valuable discovery in history." Susan pauses, and grows more serious. "We have to hurry, though. The other implication of this discovery is it's clear there's other life out there. Not only that, but they have the means to reach Earth, because they've already done so. And instantaneous transportation changes everything--they could be here any day. So we've got to move fast. We're trying to get funding for an emergency space launch. We've got to get one of these portals up there as soon as possible, and start building a space station. The problem is, we're also trying to keep somewhat quiet about it. If the government finds out about it, they're likely to shut these things up in a basement somewhere for perpetual study. My colleagues and I believe we have to act quickly, so we're trying to track down private funding for the expedition. We think once we can get the portal into space and get a significant station built, the momentum will carry the project forward. We need millions, though, so if you happen to know any potendial donors, please come back and let me know." 
 
'''''Visits thereafter:''''' 
 
Susan is working on a spreadsheet when you stop by her office. "Oh, hi, [Player], I'm just wrapping up the project budget. We collected around twenty-four million chips in private funding, which should be enough for the initial construction. I'm just tabulating the final donation amounts so we can dedicate the station to the private contributors who made it happen. 
 
There's not much up there yet, but I've made arrangements for you to go up there any time you like. The portal is here at the university. Construction will go on for a while, but I think the results of some serious anti-gravity research ought to allow us to quickly make use of a number of manufacturing techniques that aren't possible here on Earth. You may find it worth your while to investigate. 
 
'''''Day 2 of the Robot Invasion:''''' 
 
I'm glad you could put a stop to the rampaging robots, again. I'm beginning to think I may have made a terrible mistake. I think activating the portal may have alerted the robots to our presence, and drawn them here. At this point all we can do is prepare ourselves for the worst. 

'''''Day 3 of the Invasion:'''''
"I'm glad you could put a stop to the rampaging robots, yet again. We've got to find a way to stop them, but we've also got to keep our plans going. It's far too late to pretend that we're not here. We're going to keep the gates closed as much as possible to try to reduce the window when anyone might come through, but we've got to keep working on projects up at the station, and we'll let you through whenever you need to go up there."
== Location ==

[[University Heights]]

Big Bad John Steele

2008-02-10T13:41:08Z

MrGuy: Possible Reference?

{{underconstruction|comment=Needs chips drop range, and location}}
{{fight
|pronoun=
|name=Big Bad John Steele
|desc=You bust into the office and demand a showdown with Big J. For a moment he just laughs at you, and you're amazed to hear it echo hollowly, as if inside his skull. The man is also huge. When he stands you're taken aback to see that--while he's not eight feet tall like you'd heard--he's at the very least seven feet and solidly muscular. John Steele gives you a "bring it on" gesture and stands, quietly waiting. Not one to pass up an advantage, you swing your fist. John twitches slightly, but you connect solidly with the side of his head.

'''KLONGGGGGGGG!!!!'''

You shout in pain and surprise and cringe backwards, rubbing your aching fist. What the ... ?

John continues to laugh, the sound of it echoing oddly in the room. There's something odd about his hair where you hit him, too. With another chuckle John pulls off what's apparently a wig and some sort of plastic scalp cover, revealing a shining stainless steel dome underneath! The man's head is made of metal! This can't possibly be good ...

|image=John-steele.jpg
|hit=
|critical=
|miss=
|fumble=}}
{{chips|amt=549}}
{{exp|amt=150}}

== Location(s) ==
Found in the [[Jax 'Za pizza shop]].

==Notes==
[*] Possibly not a reference, but John Steele [http://wiki.n1nj4.com/index.php?title=John_Steele] was the S.A.B.R.E. Super Agent in the cult 2004 game Evil Genius.

[[Category: Bosses]]

User:MrGuy

2008-01-25T15:44:09Z

MrGuy:

/\
/ \
/ \
\ /
\ /
\/

I don't know how to make an ASCII spade.

___ ___
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |

/\
/ \

Anyway, I am a POWER PLAYER! I love discovery and ownership, and currently own 6 out of 7 obtainable merit badges. _______________________________________________________________________________________
You gain 274,807 experience.

[[Image: Suit-points.gif]] Your watch beeps with an update from the S.U.I.T. software. That fight against a U.I.T. really paid off in usable info! You processed a chunk of data worth '''357 S.U.I.T. points.'''

User:MrGuy

2008-01-17T19:29:44Z

MrGuy:

/\
/ \
/ \
\ /
\ /
\/

I don't know how to make an ASCII spade.

___ ___
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |

/\
/ \

Anyway, I am a POWER PLAYER! I love discovery and ownership, and currently own ALL 6 STILL-OBTAINABLE FIGURED-OUT MERIT BADGES! WOOOO!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
You gain 274,807 experience.

[[Image: Suit-points.gif]] Your watch beeps with an update from the S.U.I.T. software. That fight against a U.I.T. really paid off in usable info! You processed a chunk of data worth '''156 S.U.I.T. points.'''

A greater pit fiend

2008-01-17T19:27:13Z

MrGuy: switched, sorry

The Greater Pit Fiend appears upon giving the [[Train with the Nagual Mystic|Nagual Mystic]] the necessary materials. It has a name generated the same way as the lesser fiend, but with a "greater" before it. (needs pic)

A greater pit fiend

2008-01-17T19:23:18Z

MrGuy: New page: The Greater Pit Fiend appears upon giving the Train with the Nagual Mystic the necessary materials. It has a name generated the same way as the lesser fiend, but with a "...

The Greater Pit Fiend appears upon giving the [[Nagual Mystic|Train with the Nagual Mystic]] the necessary materials. It has a name generated the same way as the lesser fiend, but with a "greater" before it. (needs pic)

User:MrGuy

2008-01-16T21:48:20Z

MrGuy:

User:MrGuy

2008-01-16T21:47:40Z

MrGuy:

/\
/ \
/ \
\ /
\ /
\/

I don't know how to make an ASCII spade.

___ ___
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |

/\
/ \

Anyway, I am a POWER PLAYER! I love discovery and ownership, and currently own ALL 6 STILL-OBTAINABLE FIGURED-OUT MERIT BADGES! WOOOO!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
You gain 274,807 experience.

[[Image:[[Suit-points.gif]]]] Your watch beeps with an update from the S.U.I.T. software. That fight against a U.I.T. really paid off in info; you processed a chunk of data worth '''123 S.U.I.T. points.'''

User:MrGuy

2008-01-16T21:47:17Z

MrGuy: New page: /\ / \ / \ \ / \ / \/ I don't know how to make an ASCII spade. ___ ___ | | | | | | | | | | | | /\ ...

/\
/ \
/ \
\ /
\ /
\/

I don't know how to make an ASCII spade.

___ ___
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |

/\
/ \

Anyway, I am a POWER PLAYER! I love discovery and ownership, and currently own ALL 6 STILL-OBTAINABLE FIGURED-OUT MERIT BADGES! WOOOO!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
You gain 274,807 experience.

[[Suit-points.gif]] Your watch beeps with an update from the S.U.I.T. software. That fight against a U.I.T. really paid off in info; you processed a chunk of data worth '''123 S.U.I.T. points.'''

Dank and Rusty Maze

2008-01-13T16:24:49Z

MrGuy:

The Dank and Rusty Maze is located in the [[The neighborhood sewers]] of [[Somerset Square]]. The combat adventures you have are enerally jaffected-- generally affected-- by wearing [[skeptic sandals]], in that you fight a spree-doonerized-- de-spoonerized-- version of the monster instead.
[[Category:Locations]]

== Combat Adventures ==

'''[[band that heeds you]]''' 
[[Image:fighting-band.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[hedge slammer]], [[lack of pies]]|chips=19-30|EL=|exp=25}} 

'''[[bold cat]]''' 
[[Image:cat.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[dark arts]], [[rank bun]]|chips=0|EL=|exp=21}} 

'''[[cold bat]]''' 
[[Image:bat.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[dark arts]], [[rank bun]]|chips=0|EL=|exp=23}} 
*De-spoonerized version of the bold cat.

'''[[green twosome]]''' 
[[Image:green-twosome.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[sarge lack]]|chips=21-33|EL=|exp=27}} 

'''[[gruesome teen]]''' 
[[Image:gruesome-teen.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[sarge lack]], [[spooked credo]]|chips=23-36|EL=|exp=29}} 
*de-spoonerized version of the green twosome.

'''[[slick thug]]''' 
[[Image:slick-thug.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[lack of pies]], [[leather pants]]|chips=20-30|EL=|exp=25}} 

'''[[thick slug]]''' 
[[Image:slug.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items=[[lack of pies]], [[leather pants]]|chips=18-29|EL=|exp=23}} 
*de-spoonerized version of the slick thug.

=Non-combat Adventures=

'''[[A Barge Lox]]''' 
[[Image:computer-screen.jpg|left]]
Choice: Enter the Password or Keep on Wandering the Maze 

'''[[A Septic Scandal]]''' 
[[Image:sewer.jpg|left]]
You gain 1 strength 

'''[[One Beard War]]''' 
[[Image:flagon.jpg|left]]
You gain '''30 XP.''' 

'''[[Too Much Saw Rueage]]''' 
[[Image:sewer.jpg|left]]
You gain 1 intellect 

=One-Time Adventures=

'''[[A Skeptic Sandal]]''' 
[[Image:sewer.jpg|left]]
You got an item: '''[[skeptic sandals]]''' 

'''[[Kinders Feepers]]''' 
[[Image:noimage.gif|left]]
You got an item: '''[[black sand]]''' 

'''[[Mind Bender]]''' 
[[Image:mind-bender.jpg|left]]
{{enemy|items='''[[magic truck vehicle]]'''|chips=738|EL=|exp=35}} 

'''[[Say, Isn't that Grand?]]''' 
[[Image:bind-mender.jpg|left]]
You got an item: '''[[gray sand]]''' 

'''[[You Have Wosen Chisely]]''' 
[[Image:open-door.jpg|left]]
Occurs only after correct password is entered in A Barge Lox adventure; allows player to fight Mind Bender

Talk:Dank and Rusty Maze

2008-01-13T16:21:51Z

MrGuy: New page: I'm noting which combat adventures are with skeptic sandals, which without. Eventually, someone, possibly me, will organize it better. --~~~~

I'm noting which combat adventures are with [[skeptic sandals]], which without. Eventually, someone, possibly me, will organize it better. --[[User:MrGuy|MrGuy]] 09:21, 13 January 2008 (MST)

Talk:T.a.I.L.o.R.

2008-01-13T16:19:35Z

MrGuy:

What the hell does this do? --[[User:MrGuy|MrGuy]] 12:31, 11 January 2008 (MST)

No clue, as of yet.
I just put it here (I'm Krethan, just forgot the pass and didn't have my e-mail entered) so everyone knows what happens. --[[User:Wyronth|Wyronth]] 4:19, January 11 2008 (EST)

Doesn't seem to do anything, yet, aside from qualify for a leaderboard. [[User:Cristiona|Cristiona]]

*The leaderboard might be *it*, but I doubt it. If there is another function, it's probably unimplemented.
**Incidentally, I need some image-gathering, as I'm about to revamp the "Bayside" page to include said board of leading. (forgot to sign earlier, so... --[[User:MrGuy|MrGuy]] 09:19, 13 January 2008 (MST))

Through the Dimensional Gate

2008-01-12T19:36:31Z

MrGuy:

Through the Dimensional Gate is located in the [[Heavy Industry District]]. It is the same dimensional gate removed from the [[Zion's Tears building|SPOILER]] in the [[Don't Cry for Me, Zion-tina|SPOILER]] quest. Pretty simple, eh?

[[Category:Locations]]

== Combat Adventures =={{combat
|name=astral shredder
|image=shredder.jpg
|items=[[astral spline]], [[cosmic crystals]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=98
|hp=103-109?}}

{{combat
|name=ethereal behemoth
|image=behemoth.jpg
|items=[[cosmic crystals]], [[ethereal club]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=104
|hp=154}}

{{combat
|name=gruesome phantasm
|image=phantasm.jpg
|items=[[cosmic crystals]], [[glob of goo]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=100
|hp=107}}

{{combat
|name=multidimensional terror
|image=weird-figure.jpg
|items=[[cosmic crystals]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=102
|hp=108}}

{{combat
|name=pandimensional horror
|image=horror.jpg
|items=[[cosmic crystals]], [[pandimensional scepter]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=96
|hp=104}}

{{combat
|name=transdimensional fiend
|image=fiend.jpg
|items=[[cosmic crystals]]
|chips=0
|level=unknown
|exp=107
|hp=138}}

Bayside

2008-01-12T19:28:37Z

MrGuy:

Back to [[Zones]]
[[Category:Zones]]

This area encompasses both some touristy beaches and the Twilight Docks. Where do you want to go?

== Patrol ==

{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="10" border="0" align="left" style="text-align:center"
|- style="background-color:#EFEFEF"
|-
| [[Image:docks.jpg]] [[The Docks]]
|-
|} 

[[Porcelain Bay]] (needs image)
== Visit/Shop ==

{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="10" border="0" align="left" style="text-align:center"
|- style="background-color:#EFEFEF"
|-
| [[Image:dive-shop.jpg]] [[Bayside Dive Shop]]
|-
|} 

[[The Starboard Port]] (needs image)

Starboard Port

2008-01-12T19:26:06Z

MrGuy: It's a board of leaders. A leaderboard, if you will.

The Starboard Port, located in [[Bayside]], is where all the boards of leading ("Leaderboards," if you will) for Twilight's most outstanding heroes-- and there are surprisingly many-- are held.

--Existing Leaderboards--

*Most XP
**Charts the heroes with the greatest strength and potential, in the form of experience.

*VR charts:
**Most Flight Points
**Most Empire Points
**Most Sports Points
***Chart the heroes who have made the most progress on the respective VR games.

*Most [[S.U.I.T. Software|SUIT points]]
**Charts which heroes have found the most information on the menace of the underground civilizations!

Talk:T.a.I.L.o.R.

2008-01-12T19:20:17Z

MrGuy:

Merit Badges

2008-01-11T19:36:19Z

MrGuy: basic update

Ryme has announced the existence of at least ten Merit Badges. Only seven have been discovered along with the method of getting them:

#[[From Dusk 'Til Dawn]]
#[[Crystal Collector]]
#[[Pinball Wizard]]
#[[Delayed Gratification]]
#[[Coffee Snob]]
#[[Talk About an Old Timer]]
#[[Really Out to Sea]]
#[[Two Bits Times Two]]

[[Category:Merit Badges|*]]

Talk:T.a.I.L.o.R.

2008-01-11T19:31:02Z

MrGuy: New page: What the hell does this do? --~~~~

What the hell does this do? --[[User:MrGuy|MrGuy]] 12:31, 11 January 2008 (MST)

Heavy Industry District

2008-01-11T19:27:36Z

MrGuy:

Back to [[Zones]]
[[Category:Zones]]

[[Image:industry.gif]]

Heavy industry and other undesirable activities have mostly been pushed to the north side of Twilight, on the edge of the desert. Besides manufacturing, the area contains the infamous Shiloh Sanatarium. As much jail and fortress as mental institution, the Sanatarium is located on an island in the middle of the river and houses numerous captured super villains or fallen superheroes. Also troubling this area is a robotic hive which has broken free from human control and threatens the surrounding area. Where do you want to go?

== Patrol ==

{| cellpadding="3" cellspacing="10" border="0" align="left" style="text-align:center"
|- style="background-color:#EFEFEF"
|-
| [[Image:robot-hive.gif]] [[A renegade robot hive]]
| [[Image:sanatarium.gif]] [[Shiloh Sanatarium]]
| [[Image:dimensional-gate.gif]] [[Through the Dimensional Gate]]
|-
|}

*"Through the dimensional gate" unlocks after the police [[Don't Cry for Me, Zion-tina|Move said gate away from downtown]].

You Need What Now?

2008-01-11T19:24:53Z

MrGuy:

[[Image:Goldfish.jpg|center]] 
Out of the murk swims what appears to be a very large goldfish. You ready yourself for combat, but it approaches in a slow and non-aggressive fashion. Then it nearly shocks you into choking on water by opening its mouth and saying, "Excuse me old chap, but have you seen my bicycle anywhere?"

"What?!" you sputter, coughing.

"My bicycle. I seem to have misplaced it, and I need it ever so badly. It's making me very distraught." The fish does, indeed, sound upset. For a fish--a fish with the voice of a proper English gentleman.

It continues, "You see, my bicycle was stolen by the one they call [[Perch Boy]], who is a servant of the foe you seek. No, do not be surprised. It is widely known among the fish-folk that you desire to overthrow the tyrant we know as the Troutmaster. He has enslaved many of our kind, and we would gladly see him undone. If you could see your way to finding my bicycle, I would be most grateful to have it returned. In exchange I would gladly give you a great reward with which you could fight the Troutmaster."

You say, "Sure, I'd be happy to keep an eye out for your bike. But, uh, what, exactly, do you do with a bicycle?"

The fish rolls its eyes and lets out a long, exasperated sigh. "Really! I must say, if you don't know already then you're not likely to understand. Ta!" With that the fish swims back the way it came.

 

[[Category: Adventures]]
Part of the [[Go Fish]] quest. 
Found in the [[Porcelain Bay]] area.

*A reference to the well-known phrase attributed to (???): "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."