The Beatless

The Beatless

You are fighting The Beatless.

These guys don't have any rhythm whatsoever. Furthermore, they can't dance, they can't sing ... wait, no, that's someone else.

Yes, I have one of the world's largest and most famous discographies to borrow from for a single Beatles joke, and I turned it into a Phil Collins joke instead. That is indeed exactly the kind of guy I am.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

• You're caught off guard, and your opponent acts first. Your opponent attacks ... They all band together, pull out a giant rubber band, and smack it against your skin.
• The band turns up a loudspeaker and blasts you with a deafening chord. (sonic) damage
• The band smashes a guitar over your head, shattering it. The guitar, not your head. Though it's pretty close with your head, too.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

• The band tries to blast you with music, but the acoustic instruments don't get nearly loud enough.
• They try to rock your world, but you roll to the side and dodge.
• The band tries to submit you to their worst riot impression, but it's a quiet riot, and mostly harmless.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 14-31 chips.

You gain (Level*8, cap 250) experience.

You got an item: bandolier (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: band-aid (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: bandana (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: bandwagon (Unspecified Drop rate)

Known resistances/weaknesses

Unspecified

Locations

• Battle of the Bands
  

References

• The band name is a play on The Beatles. They are also mantioned by name in the description.
• I Can't Dance, which includes the words "I can't dance, I can't sing" is in fact a song of Genesis, and not only of their bend member Phil Collins (which is also mentioned by name). He did however sing the lyrics.