Televisiontail

Televisiontail

You are fighting Televisiontail.

Supposedly these guys are the best band in the world. Who decides that sort of thing, anyway? Is there an election? Or was there a poll in Rolling Stone that maybe fell out with the other postcards and I missed it?
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

• They all band together, pull out a giant rubber band, and smack it against your skin.
• The band turns up a loudspeaker and blasts you with a deafening chord. (sonic) damage
• The band smashes a guitar over your head, shattering it. The guitar, not your head. Though it's pretty close with your head, too.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

• They try to rock your world, but you roll to the side and dodge.
• The band tries to blast you with music, but the acoustic instruments don't get nearly loud enough.
• The band tries to submit you to their worst riot impression, but it's a quiet riot, and mostly harmless.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 12-31 chips.

You gain (Level*8, cap 250) experience.

You got an item: band-aid (15.2 ± 0.8%)
You got an item: bandana (14.9 ± 0.8%)
You got an item: bandolier (15.9 ± 0.9%)
You got an item: bandwagon (3.1 ± 0.4%)
You got an item: banned book (3 ± 0.4%)

Known resistances/weaknesses

Verified to have no resistances or weaknesses.

Locations

• Battle of the Bands
  

References

• References the band Radiohead.