Hagbard Dorn

Hagbard Dorn

You are fighting Hagbard Dorn.

He’s an awesome archetype of an angry anarchist activist, and he's looking for a fight.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

With dexterous sleight of hand he plucks a solid gold apple seemingly out of nowhere and bounces it off of your skull.
Hagbard's attack is an enigma wrapped in an enigma. Just when you think you've got it unwrapped, the enigma device goes off and blasts you.
Hagbard Dorn stands there, looking defenseless. Suddenly five shots ring out: one from the grassy knoll, one from the book depository, one from the underpass, and two others. All of them hit their mark: you.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

He tries to whistle while he's attacking you, but the lack of focus causes him to miss. Never whistle while you're fighting, that's a pretty reliable motto.
Hagbard calls for the Illuminati to come help him beat you up, but nothing happens, because the Illuminati are just a conspiracy theory.
Hagbard doesn't attack because right now he's pretending to be a double agent who likes you, even though it's just a setup to get you good later.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 95 experience.

You got an item: Rainbow's Ark pill (14.2 ± 2.5%)
You got an item: golden apple (14.1 ± 2.5%)

Known resistances/weaknesses

50% resistant to acid damage.
50% weak to ice damage.

This enemy's name is a reference to Hagbard Celine and George Dorn, both characters from from The Illuminatus! Trilogy, a three-book science fiction series published in the 1970s by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.
- The golden apple dropped is a reference to the title of the second book in the series, The Golden Apple.