Casino security guard
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You are fighting a casino security guard.
This is a casino security guard. Sadly, he appears to be much more competent than the bumbling security guards you see on TV.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- The guard gives you the short end of the stick. As usual, it's upsetting enough that you want to go home and write about it in your blog.
- He thwacks you with his club. Twice. Hey, that's not funny at all!
- In the midst of your fight you accidentally spill his coffee. Not only does he take away your driver's license, but he smacks you around a good bit, too.
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- He swings his club at you, but it's a short stick and just barely misses you.
- This particular security guard is one of those "gaudy recruits" who looks flashy but, like a "rusty car guide," still has a thing or two to learn. You teach him a couple of those things, "ye drastic guru" by dodging all his attacks.
- He drops his baton and has to scramble backwards because he has nothing with which to hit you. I mean, to hit you with.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 30-50 chips.
You gain 40 experience.
You got an item: cup of coffee 
(38.9 ± 4%)
You got an item: short end of the stick 
(14.9 ± 2.9%)
You got an item: Snackers candy bar 
(28.7 ± 3.7%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
50% resistant to psychic damage.
100% weak to sonic damage.
Locations
References
- The quoted portions in the second miss message are anagrams for "security guard."