Cobbler elves

cobbler elves

You are fighting the cobbler elves.

Some elves live in trees and make confections. Others live in trees and grow dongle dreadlocks. And some live in trees and are basically the best at everything because the author loves them.

But these are some old fashioned elves, living in a cobbler's shop and making shoes at night. Since all the cobblers' shops closed down, they've been living in this factory. And since this factory has closed down, well, they've been angry.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

They offer to lead you to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But it turns out these aren't leprechauns and all you get is crushing disappointment. (psychic) damage
They rain you with little matchstick arrows. It's more Mag-Wai than elven, but you'll allow it. damage + (fire) damage
When you take your eyes off of them for a moment, they build thousands of shoes. The resulting shoevalance buries you utterly.

They hit you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! They hit you for X damage.

Miss messages:

They offer to lead you to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but you know it's night out so there aren't any rainbows. Silly elves.
They rain you with little matchstick arrows until you threaten to contact the Mag-Wai, known for their vicious warriors and equally vicious patent attorneys.
They ask you to look away for a second, but you fix them with the unblinking gaze of justice instead.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! They takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 170 experience.

You got an item: needle and thread (17.7 ± 2.1%)
You got an item: cobbler cookie (9.7 ± 1.6%)
You got an item: elven sock (5.4 ± 1.2%)