Drunken brawler
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You are fighting a drunken brawler.
This fella is one mean son of a gun. He's drunk, but that's only because there's a four-drink minimum. The real reason he's here is because he likes to pick fights. Like with you. Like right now.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- Remember, you can pick your friends, you can pick your fights, but you can't pick your friends' fights. I don't know what that has to do with him punching you, but that's what he's doing.
- He charges you without blinking first. Cheater!
- Although not as dangerous as masters of drunken kung fu, drunken brawlers still pack a mean right hook.
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- Remember, you can pick your friends, you can pick your fights, but you can't pick your friends' fights. Currently your drunken "friend" is picking a fight with someone else, though, so you have a moment's respite.
- He blinks, then charges at you. Luckily, you counter in time.
- He staggers towards you drunkenly, but you've seen enough kung fu movies to know where this is going.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 15-29 chips.
You gain 19 experience.
You got an item: iron knuckles 
(20.2 ± 1.7%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
100% weak to fire damage.