Ethereal behemoth

ethereal behemoth

You are fighting an ethereal behemoth.

This creature is slow but extremely large and intimidating. Insert obligatory yo momma so fat joke here ...
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The behemoth sneezes. The glob of spit that sprays out of its mouth is so large and has to fall so far, but^[sic] the time it hits you, you're pounded into the ground.
The behemoth sits on you. For a creature made exclusively of ether, it's surprisingly heavy.
The creature is so big it can't even see you on the ground, so it gives up and lays down to rest. The shock caused by this causes a small tremor that throws you to the ground, where you land in a pile of sharp interplanar gravel.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

Apparently your last attack tickled the behemoth's nose a little. It sneezes, blowing you so far back it doesn't have a chance to attack you.
The creature tries to step on you, but you easily slide into the gap between its toes.
The behemoth charges, but you just leap onto one of its legs and hold on to an oversize ankle until the stampede is over.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 104 experience.

You got an item: ethereal club (14.6 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: cosmic crystals (49.3 ± 3.6%)
You got an item: glob of goo (24.8 ± 3.1%)