Gruesome teen

gruesome teen

You are fighting a gruesome teen.

You encounter what at first glance seems to be that annoying verdant duo, but when it moves you realize that you're facing what is actually just one person. A distorted and very ugly person, at that. The green twosome is actually a gruesome teen.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The teen calls out for his pet, a foul beast, which treats itself to a bowel feast--using your bowels.
He leans back and knits you in the hose--er, hits you in the nose. Ow!
The gruesome teen opens a manhole cover in the ceiling and lets in some pouring rain--oh, the roaring pain!

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

It's his turn to act, but he just pumps and grouts. Grumps and pouts.
The teen whines, "I don't want to fight, it's fought nair--uh, it's not fair," and refuses to do anything else.
The teen calls out, dumb and mad, for his mum and dad, but no help comes.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 23-36 chips.