Inferior evil pony
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You are fighting a inferior evil pony.
Unlike Ursula's fancier product lines, this generic teddy is still evil, but the materials it's made from are of a significantly inferior quality.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- The pony assaults you. The attack succeeds in striking--where else?--your inferior vena cava.
- The pony kicks you so hard it should launch you into next week, but the inferior materials only nudge you forward a few seconds.
- The pony bites you horrifically. It's an inferior horrific, which makes it kind of normal.
It hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- The pony tries to kick you, but you position yourself inferior to (below, that is) its flying hooves.
- The pony attacks, but the assault isn't quality enough to touch you.
- The pony bites at you but you dodge its inferior attack with some superior maneuvering. The pony waits until you get back from your nice trip to Lake Superior.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 20 experience.
You got an item: soft fabric 
(Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: unstuffed stuffing 
(Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: unstuffed stuffing (Unspecified Drop rate)
Known resistances/weaknesses
25% weak to fire damage.
Locations
References
- The Inferior vena cava, mentioned in the first hit message, is the large vein that carries blood from the lower part of the body to the right atrium of the heart.
- Lake Superior, mentioned in the third miss message, is one of the Great Lakes.