Lavagna

Lavagna

You are fighting Lavagna.

Lavagna was a robotic chalkboard, created by an obscure Italian inventor to teach the children reading and writing. Unfortunately, the inventor died before he could put chalk into the tips of Lavagna's mechanical fingers. The robot continually tries to write on itself, but all it ever gets is a horrendous noise that drives it and everyone else around completely mad.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

Lavagna SKREE-TCH-TCH-eeEEE! You try to squAAAAeeeeEE! but it's far RRRRTT-cha-SKIIIW! to say the least. (sonic) damage
Poor misunderstood Lavagna tries to write you a message, but the screeching blows out windows for an entire city block and cracks a few of your teeth. (sonic) damage
Lavagna traces a long, slow circle across its chalkboard with a finger. It's the skidding squeal right at the very top of the circle that causes your entire spine to lock up. (sonic) damage

It hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

Lavagna prepares a tremendous sonic assault, but you do the expedient thing and just put your hands over your ears.
Lavagna tries to scrape out an unearthly squeal with one hand on the chalkboard, but it accidentally uses the arm tipped with an eraser. The soft shushing sound isn't unpleasant at all.
The robot tries to generate a chalkboard squeal, but you quickly slip cute little mittens onto his hands. Sadly the mittens can't hold up for long against metal fingers.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain some chips.