The Bard's Play

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Item Number: 248
Description ID: 8514076
(view in-game)


The Bard's Play
Plural: Unknown; currently impossible to determine
This is the complete works of The Bard. No, not Shakespeare. That would be much too heavy. This is the contemporary bard. His complete works only extend five pages. But just from glancing at those pages you can tell five pages is plenty. For one thing, he appears to have tried to one-up his predecessor by writing in iambic hexameter. While you were surprised to find that's actually a valid poetic format, it's still a silly thing to do.

Miscellaneous Item
Item cannot traded, sold, or placed in a memento display

How Obtained

Using script page 1 when you have all seven pages of the script.

When Used

Before fighting the Bard:

You pick up the the play and start to read ...

By the third page, you hear shouting from a booth above the front of the house. "No, no, you're doing it all wrong! Your enunciation is totally off, and an English squirrel has a better accent! Get off the stage right now!"

Make Your Choice

After defeating the Bard:

You pick up the the play and start to read ...

You read the script from front to back. It's really bad. It reminds you of the time you and The Bard battled it out on the stage of life.

When used without turns:

You pick up the the play and start to read ...

It's late, and you're too tired to read right now. Maybe you should try again tomorrow

When used after 7:00 AM:

You pick up the the play and start to read ...

There's no time to read right now, you've gotta go to work—you don't want to get fired, do you?


  • The line about iambic hexameter refers to Shakespeare's use of iambic pentameter, with five pairs of syllables per line, versus the contemporary bard's six pairs per line.