Difference between revisions of "Axe Hero™ guitar"

Revision as of 07:01, 1 April 2011

Axe Hero™ guitar
Plural: Unknown
Are you ready to rock? I said, are you ready to rock?!

Welcome to the world of viking metal, my friend. This gigantic guitar in the shape of a headsman's axe is all you need to shred some chords, be they musical or, well, spinal. This baby has it all, even a built in speaker so you can jam to your heart's content while going out on your adventures.

So rock on, my babies and remember: Twilight audiences are the greatest audiences!

April 2011 Item of the Month

Melee weapon (Slashing, large)
Power: 100
Item cannot be auto-sold
Item cannot be worn in runs with a 'no pulls' restriction

Provides a guitar-heavy soundtrack of theme music for your hero. [Disclaimer: music not audible to players.]

The Wok of Stars

• Was available for 10 silver stars during April 2011.

Effects

At the beginning of combat, you will receive one of the following:

Because your day is night alone, and you feel like letting go, your axe bursts into the music for Brainwave's "Everyvillain Hurts." So hold on, hold on, because every villain hurts, sometimes ...

You feel a hot wind on your elbow, as you face this nasty fellow. You hear the walking of the villain, crime gives you that funny feelin'. Your axe is playin' - whoah - "Twilight Radio," by Ball of Hoodoo.

Your axe plays the Atlantis Morrisey tune "Hand in Their Pocket" for the duration of the encounter. You're broke and you're not happy, you're poor and you mind. Put your hand in their pocket, and see what you find. What it all comes down to, is that everything's gonna be quite alright, because you've got one hand in their pocket, and the other hand is stuffing loot in your backpack.

At the start of the fight your axe rips into the Gregarious Undead's "Friend of the Hero." It sets out runnin but it takes its time, while your sidekick sings the lines: "If I stop crime before daylight, I just might find some peeeeeace toniiii-ight."

Your axe kicks off a rendition of "Money for Nothing and Your Chips for Free." That's the way you do it, you play the hero on the Twilight street. Wailin' on the villains like a chimpanzee.

Like a distant smokestack on the horizon, your axe strums the muffled, uneasy notes of Purple Flynn's "Uncomfortably Numb." Your opponent asks you to show them where it hurts, and you wisely refuse-that'll make it harder for them to hurt you.

At the end of combat:

You hear the first few notes of Jen Melonball's "Hurts So Bad" coming from the axe, but sometimes a fight ends like it should, so you put the brakes on the instrument.

It must be two-song Tuesday because your combat ends the double set with a rendition of "Man It's So Loud Out Here" by He's No Cyclops.

As the fight wraps up your instrument hits a few notes from another song you recognize but can't remember the name. But you're reassured to hear "You want it all but you can have it" in the background.

As the fight wraps up your axe tries to carry on over to a more mellow "I've Got a Friend" by Tames Jailor, but winter, spring, summer, or fall, it's not loud enough to keep you going in a fight so you skip the tune.

Somewhere in mid-fight the song must have ended, because now you're hearing the final notes of the classic "Hero You're a Rich Man" from the Beatless. How does it feel? It feels good, actually.

Notes

• When bought: You hand the shopkeep 10 silver stars for one heroic-looking axe. Guitar. Whatever.
• When you hear "Everyvillain Hurts"/"Hurts So Bad" you...
• When you hear "Twilight Radio"/"Man It's So Loud Out Here" you...
• When you hear "Hand in Their Pocket"/"You want it all but you can have it" you...
• When you hear "Friend of the Hero"/"I've Got a Friend" you...
• When you hear "Money for Nothing and Your Chips for Free"/"Hero You're a Rich Man" you...
• When you hear "Uncomfortably Numb" you...

References

• Refers to the Guitar Hero series of video games.
• Brainwave's "Everyvillain Hurts" refers to R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts".
• Jen Melonball's "Hurts So Bad" refers to John Mellencamp's "Hurts So Good".
• Ball of Hoodoo's "Twilight Radio" refers to Wall of Voodoo's "Mexican Radio".
• He's No Cyclops' "Man It's So Loud Out Here" refers to They Might Be Giants' "Man, It's So Loud in Here".
• Atlantis Morrisey's "Hand in Their Pocket" refers to Alanis Morissette's "Hand in My Pocket".
• "You want it all but you can have it" refers to Queen's "I Want It All".
• Gregarious Undead's "Friend of the Hero" refers to Grateful Dead's "Friend of the Devil".
• Tames Jailor's "I've Got a Friend" refers to James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend".
• "Money for Nothing and Your Chips for Free" refers to the Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing".
• The Beatless' "Hero You're a Rich Man" refers to The Beatles' "Baby, You're a Rich Man".
• Purple Flynn's "Uncomfortably Numb" refers to Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb".