The Quick and Dirty Speed-Retcon Guide

This page is a User Guide
It represents one editor's approach to a subject.
It is not in any way "official", nor is it necessarily maintained by Wiki editors
Take this information with a grain of salt.

This is an advanced guide, and assumes you are a veteran Retconner, or at least capable of getting by on your own.

A more general, step-by-step guide is available here. Also written mostly by me :)

The information in this page is accurate as of December 2014.

Created by User:Penguinpyro. This is my personal strategy for finishing low-mettle, blazing-fast retcons. We're talking 2-3 days apiece, 30-40 hours spent adventuring. Get to the Mick and stomp his crimey ass ASAP. A lot of this is subjective- adjust to your taste.

The Philosophy behind Speed Retcons

No Items of the Month are involved here. Only lootable, craftable or unlockable items. Perhaps some IoTM derivative items that you can directly buy or buy the components for from the player mall.
Get quests over with ASAP by fine-tuning +/- combat encounter rate. Until level 9, quest areas usually give less XP than you want.
When quests are over with, grind up XP fast.
Increase foe toughness during quests when the enemies prove too easy, for increased XP.
Perm useful skills ASAP.
Minimal use of spells and combat buffs. That PP should go to buffs that adjust combat chance, item drops and XP gain.
Permed passives are excellent because they cost literally nothing.
First sets of runs should be as fast/easy as possible to quickly build up permed skills.
This guide does assume low-mettle runs. However, you do need to do more-restricted runs first to unlock a lot of good items at Nocturne's Shop. The "Best Items" section is a decent guideline for things to pull if you want.
Ranged Weapons tend to be far more reliable than melee ones when playing psion, gadgeteer or elemental. However, naturalists, who pretty much have to get by with melee, do have their own merits (below).
Anything with a level requirement of level 12+ is useless to you. You want to kill the Mick at level 11 with zero dicking around.

Run Restrictions

Class- See below. Pulls- Max pulls or all items immediately. No point in the 48 hours option, you'll be done or nearly done by that point. Skills- Depends on how many permed skills you have and your current class. Gadgeteers and Psions tend to have the most useful skills, in my opinion, if you have to choose "class skills only". If you only have a few permed skills, no harm in restricting all skills. If you have more, you can do class skills only. If you have a lot of permed skills, definitely go for all skills- it is so much easier that way. Food- Both caffeine and sugar. You can go Diet without too much of a loss, actually. Sidekick- You can easily skip sidekick. Your permanent sidekick is quite weak at low levels.

I personally like to go for only the sidekick restriction, allowing me 3 mettle per run (not much, I know, but I like it this way), which is the minimum to earn a gold foil.

Best classes

Frankly, once, I used to be for gadgeteers all the way. They have easily the best combat potential, allowing you to breeze through most enemies of your level and challenge harder areas for faster XP, without having to use spells at all.

However, I realized that naturalists have two key advantages- 1) the Special Wooden Cup item gives them an insane boost to melee damage, allowing them to partially close the gap with gadgeteers, while also gaining extra XP. 2) Taming. Taming really speeds up XP grinding for levels 3 to 8, although at a cost to sellable items, meaning reduced cash.

Either way, I would advice avoiding psions and elementals after you've permed their useful skills. Their reliance on spells and buffs will chew through PP quickly- PP that you should have spent on encounter and item drop buffs.

Best Skills to Perm and put points into

Critical to have

Stealth, Sinus of the Shark, Aura: Mental Magnetism- Increase or decrease combat chance. I cannot stress how key this is.
Proper Hydration - For maintaining buffs
Basic Martial Arts, Advanced Martial Arts, Sniper, Battle Armor- Passive combat boosts. Sniper doesn't improve melee damage, but the bonus to initiative can't be overlooked.
Firestorm or Psionic Blast or Trample of the Rhino or all three- For bossfights.
Sugar Purifier- More turns
Precompletion Pro- More turns.

Very Useful to Have

Knit Bone or First Aid- Emergency Healing

Starfish Regeneration-General Utility

Echolocation and Metal Detector- Money, speeds up level 5 and level 10 quests
Aura: Vim- Powerful and cheap combat buff. Best bang for your PP for any buff.
Detachment- Turn it on for bossfights and then shake it off afterwards

Somewhat Useful to Have

Aura: Keen Observation- Extra Chips and bit of extra AP.
Aura: Vigor- Combat buff
Catalyze- Makes certain caffeine items and transportation more effective. Needs 4 skill points for caffeine and 8 skill points for transportation. Anything more than you need is overkill.
Premonition- Combat boost.
Meditation- A few more turns
Beefcake, Artistic Warrior- Small statboosts
Fast Learner- Bit of extra AP
Fire Within- Extra Max PP
Improved Tinkering- For maintaining Gadgeteer buffs
Lifeblood Manipulation- Emergency Healing. Normally pretty crappy, unless you put max skill points into it, then it will outshine knit bone and first aid for efficiency.

All other skills

Are purely extras.

Best Items

Talismans

Level 1 is when you want to select or pull your ideal talisman. My recommendation is the Special wooden cup for its significant XP bonus- It is available either with a lot of cash (not a stretch to grind) or with persistence in fighting the pitch black knight. Other great Talismans are the seashell locket (not too compatible with a melee-based run), Thunder in a Bottle (same) and the Swedish Navy Wrench. If you can get ahold of it (unlikely), the Ultimate Aviator Goggles are also not bad.

Stick with that talisman for the rest of your retcon- the XP penalties to change are not worth it.

Helmet

Filigreed foil hat is the best starter, although hats are not too important until later.
Wear whatever you like until level 5.
At level 5, change to either the Mecha Nist's helmet (great for combat) or Zion's Helm (extra XP)
At level 8, change to the Foyal Crown for an insane bonus to XP.

Melee Weapon

Anything with big numbers attached to it is sufficient for the first four levels. You aren't going to be doing very hard fighting.
At level 5, 1) switch between Eight Tentacles of Fury for taming animals (I suspect by "better taming", it gives 5% bonus XP, which is fucking huge), 2) Shadow Mist's Iron Scythe (for combat), or if combat is getting too easy, 3) Hammer Time (for XP savings).
I have no other recommendations other than keeping the Eight Tentacles of Fury around for XP grinding and when in zones with animals.
The Morning Star is also nice choice for combat, starting at level 8.
The retcon-usable melee armaments of Destiny- Wraith, Fortune, Frost and Star- tend to be more powerful than equivalent-level items. If you get one, absolutely consider using them to their fullest.

Ranged Weapon

Anything with big numbers attached to it is sufficient for the first four levels. You aren't going to be doing very hard fighting.
At level 3, if you happen to have a Boomstick, that is an excellent choice.
At level 5, you get access to the repeating rifle, which completely kicks ass in combat. Probably better than the boomstick, even.
At level 6, you get Zeno's Bow, which is considerably weaker than the repeating rifle, but gives a great time reduction.
At level 9, you get Umbra's Shadow Blaster, which will annihilate pretty much anything you point it at. Yeehaw.
If you get the Armament of Destiny "Shadow", use it. Use the hell out of it, that +noncombat chance is excellent.

Shirt

Stick with the gold-plated poncho for the first three levels.
At level 4, Switch to the See-Through Shirt for the Protest quest and keep it on hand every time you want +combat chance.
At level 5, switch to Midnight's Cloak for combat purposes.
At level 9, put on the Murk's Silk Shirt for time reduction.
At level 10, the xentrium breastplate for even better time reduction.

Gloves

Honestly, gloves don't matter much. If it looks good to you, chances are it is.
If you must pick a specific suggestion, I would recommend the Sticky Gloves for general use and for finding items during the level 5 quest, and at level 6 switch to work gloves to avoid fumbles.
Strongly recommend bringing the gnat gloves with you at level 5 mostly for its super jumping abilities, freeing up your feet to use the xentrium boots (see below).

Pants

Best starter is probably the gilded leggings. Anything goes for now.
At level 4, switch to the cellophane zubaz when you need a noncombat chance.
At level 6, switch to the datapants. Turn length reducation and big XP bonus mean it's best to stick with the datapants for the rest of your run, at least until level 11.

Boots

Goaty Slippers are an okay starter. As said above, most level 1-3 equipment isn't too important.
At level 3, the skeptic sandals are also good.
at level 5, if you don't have the gnat gloves, take out the high jump boots to speed up the level 10 quest and the level 11 quest.
At level 7, take out the xentrium boots and keep them on for now.
At level 10, replace the xentrium boots with Prefontane's shoes.

Offhands

Black Box (from the Criminology Lab) is the best general-purpose item at any level. Precoffee is a fantastic consumable, and postprecoffee (catalyzed) is even better.
Rolled Dahl Doll is important for noncombat chance. You're really not going to be doing much else with your offhand.
At level 10, you get the xentrium shield, which can take over for your other time-reducing items if your turn length is too much.

Accessories

Start with the supersolid mettle medal and the digital voice recorder.
At level 4, you get the embossed emblem to replace the digital voice recorder. Keep it there. You may also want the Ali C Bling for combat chance.
At level 5, you get the shoehorn. It can substitute for the supersolid mettle medal.
At level 7, you can replace the shoehorn with the Queen of the Apocalypse, which does the same thing and also gives a sweet critical chance for combat.
At level 10, you get the blue chip socks, which can replace your embossed emblem or queen of the apocalypse if you are feeling confident.

Transportation

Best Starter is the Paradime Device. You don't need more range than 3 until level 8.
At level 8, switch to the Lexura Infinides D20 for general purpose, or luxury chameleon for noncombat chance.
At level 9, you also can choose the Dingo's Lotus for its XP, or you can bring the Model T-1000 to really boost your sidekicks when in the Cube Theater.

Computers

Start with the Electronic Computer.
At level 3, bring out the positronic computer.
At level 9, bring out the trionic computer.

Software

Garcia's Traffic Avoider and Macruff's Mercantile Monitor are the best for manipulating encounter chance.
Gigantofirm Lookout Calender is good for general purposes (turn length reduction)
Personal Copy of the Internet increases foe toughness, for extra XP at the cost of well... tougher foes.

Sidekicks/companions

I usually leave my sidekick behind during retcons, since she's only really the most useful at higher levels. When I do get him, I always leave her as a Psychoanalyst.

Good cheap companions

old coin/earring- defensive sidekicks
Twilight Gold Card- +chips
Nostronomian Slide Whistle- +XP and damage, only available at level 10, and needs a quest to buy it (but not use it)

Special Loadouts (skills and equips) for Special Situations

Noncombat Chance

In order of best (doesn't have good alternatives in this slot to sacrifice) to worst (the alternatives are a lot better): Garcia's Traffic Avoider, Stealth, Mental Magnetism, Luxury Chameleon, Rolled Dahl Doll, Sneakiers, Cellophane Zubaz.

Also, squidopus ink is a free buff, if you can get ahold of it.

Combat Chance

Again, best to worst: MacRuff's Mercantile Monitor, Sinus of the Shark, Mental Magnetism, Ali C bling, See-through shirt.

Item Drop/Combat Chance

This is a specific setup mostly for the two quest items you need to loot in the level 5 quest (heavily encrypted swipe card & capo key)

Buffs- Metal Detector, Sinus of the Shark, Mental Magnetism Equips- See-through shirt, sticky gloves, Ali C Bling, shoehorn. Other- MacRuff's Mercantile Monitor.

Water Breathing

Remember that elementals can already breathe water (but they suck in a fight!)

You only need water breathing for the level 6 quest and for naturalist XP grinding. I recommend the Sub-Ma-Car, and if you don't have one, the harbor pearl. That is all.

Fighting the Mick

Really, if you're having trouble, stock up on the damage absorption items. Chain coif, chain gauntlets, silenced chain cuirass and chain boots. Pile of bricks if you are not using a melee weapon. That should nearly negate the physical damage from the Mick, leaving only the elemental damage he deals.

Remember that he increases his own foe toughness with the number of buffs you have on- 5 per effect, in addition to whatever other foe toughness modifiers you have going. You want at least 30 FT for his expensive blue chip drop- that's seven buffs, or four buffs if you're crazy enough to run Personal Copy of the Internet during this fight.

Some good buffs for meeting this criterion are: Aura:Vim, Stone Armor, Aura:Vigor, Detachment (remember to disable it after this fight), and Upgrade Weapons (frickin' sharp). Remember that the fight is easier if you cancel your weaker or combat-irrelevant buffs.

I would recommend assembling the bionic bolas combat item for stunning the Mick as well. It's made of components you'll end up getting during your run anyways, and stuns him for a whole three rounds. Hell, make two if you want to really get a lot of free shots on him.

On the offensive side, hit him with trample of the rhino if you have melee weapons. If you have and want to use your nova powers, now absolutely is the time. Otherwise, blast away and he should drop.

If all else fails, I have been told that hitting him with the Tornado Skill (twice if skill is maxed, more if not maxed) will make it a cakewalk if you can survive long enough.

Other Tough Bossfights

Big John Steele is vulnerable to Lightning Bolt
Troutmaster is weaker if you have the bass o matic 77 equipped, but he's also vulnerable to Lightning Bolt. I'd much rather have the 2500 chips myself.
Fusion Octotron is vulnerable to the EMP device. Hit it twice in a row with the EMP for better results.

Quest shortcuts

Level 7 Quest- Go straight to Investigate the Shouting in the first quest noncombat. You'll miss out on some chips, but skip a lot of annoying noncombats.
Level 8 Quest- After finding the first locked door in the underwater base, switch to adventuring in the unborn base until you get the frostheim keycard. Then come back to the underwater base.
Level 10 Quest- First section can be sped up slightly by using globs of goo. Second section can be sped up by wearing flight/superjump items. Third section can be sped up by increasing noncombat chance and wandering around in the astral badlands.
Level 11 Quest- First room can be skipped by equipping (and thereby sacrificing) a motorcycle as you walk in. The "Sparta" section can be reduced to a single encounter by equipping 4 of the following "Madness?" items- Zion's Helm, Sandals, Pronged Javelin/Hoplite Sword, Hoplon, Leon's Beard and the effect Super Slickery (from body oil or ecofriendly body oil).

Other Considerations

B-Quests

Only B-quest that you can easily fit into your schedule is the Riding at the Lists quest, which gives a nice pair of gauntlets that enhances your class's combat skills. You'll have to go somewhat out of your way for the other optional quests, and none of them has too great rewards for the effort necessary.

SQUID discs

SQUID discs actually give you only a minor increase in XP and you typically will not get many of them. They won't figure largely into speedruns.

That said, do have an octopus/squidopus/eyepodule player on hand, or preferably, all of them, for that small boost in SQUID efficiency.

Consumables

I will only be focusing on the consumables that you can easily get during retconning while still retaining excellent returns. You're welcome to go out of your way to stockpile better stuff, but it'll slow down your retcons, so most likely a net loss.

Caffeine

My poison of choice is Mister Tea, available from either the black market or the player Mall at level 7. It's by far the cheapest and easiest to get good caffeine. Settle for nothing weaker than a Mister Tea.
Small and large Hyper-C are as efficient as a Mister Tea, but with a small permanent reflex bonus.
Better than Mister Tea is precoffee from the Criminology Lab, or its even better catalyzed version, postprecoffee.
The best that is readily available is turkish coffee from Nocturne's (the stimpacks aren't a very good deal for the cost), but these cost mettle.

Sugar

Stroopwafels from the player Mall can be eaten at level 7 and is probably the ideal to shoot for.
Don't bother with the cereal from the Criminology Lab- it's only slightly better than stroopwafels but much harder to get. Precoffee is where your IOU's are best spent.
The black hole chocolate from Nocturne's are a similar case. Pricey and only a marginal improvement over stroopwafels.

XP Grinding

It doesn't matter too much where you grind if you aren't a naturalist. I recommend the retro rave if you're level 1 or 2, then move to Streets of Downtown Twilight or the City of Lost Robots at level 3, and move onto the Docks or Guild for Imaginative Metachronism at level 5 and finally the Rooftops of Twilight around level 7. But that's just how I roll. You can use Location by XP to gauge each location's difficulty level and adjust as your needs must.

If you are a naturalist, once you get to level 4 or so, go tame animals in porcelain bay. You may want to fight squidopuses the normal way so you can get useful squidopus ink off of them. You also may want to focus your combat buffs on your defenses so you can survive their attacks longer as you tame them. It's fantastic XP, although if you find yourself too short on cash, you'll want to go back to other areas and normal combat for the chips and item drops. You can also tame animals in Area 54, but the noncombat encounters there will waste your time and one of the opponents isn't an animal, so you won't be getting useful bonus XP off of him.

Either way, once you hit level 9, the far and away best place to grind XP is in the Cube Theater. In the "Intermission" noncombat, pick "exit center stage" for absurd amounts of XP. Max your noncombat chance whenever you're in the Cube, obviously. The enemies there aren't too tough and give good chips and XP too.