Ol' IronHideSides

Ol' IronHideSides

You are fighting Ol' IronHideSides.

Creaky, cranky, crotchety, and curmudgeonly, Ol' IronHideSides is just about ready to go 1812 on your butt.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

• He fires a missile, which puts a serious dent in your afterburner. You didn't know you even had an afterburner.
• The robot kicks you in the hydraulic joint. Like using a muscle you didn't know you had, you discover this to be quite painful.
• He tries to wipe that smile off your faceplace with a laser. Guess nobody told him that you don't have a faceplate.

It hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

• The boat gets his metaphors mixed up, adding grease to your gears and grit to your character, rather than the other way around.
• He fires a missile, which explodes nearby and knocks you to the ground. You can still transform from the fetal position into a standing human shape, though, so you're completely unharmed.
• You dodge a barrage of laser beams, and hear him mutter, "That really puts a tarnish on my outboard!" Whatever that means.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain <scaling> experience.

You got an item: paddlebot logo (Guaranteed Drop)
You got an item: plasteel plating (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: strut bar (Unspecified Drop rate)

Known resistances/weaknesses

Unspecified

Locations

• Row vs. Wade Battlefield
  

References

• This refers to Ironhide of the Transformers.
• Everything about this foe refers to the War of 1812, where the USS Constitution was given the nickname "old ironsides".