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When all else fails ... uh, you can, too?

After you punch the orange F with a virtual hand, a progress bar appears along with the words "Debugger loading." A blue line slowly begins filling a white box, while a timer underneath estimates that it will take 999,999,999 minutes. But in no more than the time it takes for you to roll your eyes it jumps to 99% complete, and the estimate jumps down to 2 seconds. Naturally, it takes a full minute for those "two seconds" to pass. Then the bar kicks into motion ... sliding backwards of all things. Eventually it does kick forward again, shooting to the end and then beyond the bounds of the white box, zipping somewhere far off screen.

Moments later the whole mess is replaced by the image of some sort of futuristic pub--half Mos Eisley cantina and half Quark's, with a burble of wandering puppets and Ferengi in the background. Gee, wonder where the programmers got their inspiration? A vaguely familiar human bartender leans up against the counter and addresses you. "Welcome to The Progress Bar. Looks like you could use a nice tall glass of debugging. What's your order?"

Confusing. The bartender looks at you expectantly. Apparently he's a quirky metaphor for the computer interface, and you're supposed to tell him what you want to do. Knowing the programmers, it probably only recognizes one word commands.

Ask for help

Location(s)

• Shall We Play A Game? (A.R.F.)
  

Notes

• Occurs when you choose "Fail" on Shall We Play A Game? (A.R.F.)
• The result depends on the word you enter:

Word	Result
bug, debug, virus, trojan, worm	You plug in the debugging data, and are brought directly to the nearest bug. Fight Anatolian mule or Silk Worm or D-bug.
load	Fight General Protection Fault.
run	Fight Green Horseshoe of Death.
kill, quit	Cancel failed. An unrecoverable error has occurred. Cancel? Okay/Cancel You look closely at those buttons. Do you want to cancel the cancel in order to continue, or okay the cancel to stop? Or are you canceling the first cancel, in which case okay continues, where canceling the canceled cancel really does cancel it? Argh! You solve the issue by closing your eyes and hitting a few keys at random, figuring whatever you get would be better[sic] from pure chance would be better than choosing it yourself. After a little more fiddling you get some part of the game working and manage to explore for a little while. You gain X XP.
download	Secret file download complete. Files downloaded on the down-low. Stored in top secret location. Great. You have no idea where the top secret location is. You get an effect: DownLowDed. (Added for 65 minutes.)
delete	Cannot delete file. There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again.</code? Classic. After a little more fiddling you get some part of the game working and manage to explore for a little while. You gain X XP.
reboot	<code>Cannot reboot, because a restart command has already been issued. Please wait for the restart to complete before you reboot. Man, that doesn't look good. You get an effect: Rebooting. (Added for 65 minutes.)
boolean	Invalid variable type. Hey! Who does it think it's calling an invalid? You get an effect: Boolean. (Added for 65 minutes.)
word	you mispeled a keywurd You spend a little time with the dictionary, increasing your vocabulary. You get an effect: Word!. (Added for 65 minutes.)
ping
megahertz
defrag
floppy
ssh
rm
cd
ls
remove
echo
scan
grep
sudo
dir
file
zip
false
exe
Anything else	Sorry, but the cards subroutine is broken. How about a nice drink instead? or The computer just asks Sorry? and sits there until you give up. or That's pretty vague, you know. Why don't you come back when you've got something more specific in mind? or You're going to have to go on a murderous rampage before I can give you one of those, and you don't look like the sort to go on a murderous rampage. After a little more fiddling you get some part of the game working and manage to explore for a little while. You gain X XP.