The Beatless
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| The Beatless |
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You are fighting The Beatless.
These guys don't have any rhythm whatsoever. Furthermore, they can't dance, they can't sing ... wait, no, that's someone else.
Yes, I have one of the world's largest and most famous discographies to borrow from for a single Beatles joke, and I turned it into a Phil Collins joke instead. That is indeed exactly the kind of guy I am.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- They all band together, pull out a giant rubber band, and smack it against your skin.
- The band turns up a loudspeaker and blasts you with a deafening chord. (sonic) damage
- The band smashes a guitar over your head, shattering it. The guitar, not your head. Though it's pretty close with your head, too.
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- They try to rock your world, but you roll to the side and dodge.
- The band tries to blast you with music, but the acoustic instruments don't get nearly loud enough.
- The band tries to submit you to their worst riot impression, but it's a quiet riot, and mostly harmless.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 12-31 chips.
You gain (Level*8, cap 250) experience.
You got an item: band-aid 
(15.2 ± 0.8%)
You got an item: bandana 
(14.9 ± 0.8%)
You got an item: bandolier 
(15.9 ± 0.9%)
You got an item: bandwagon 
(3.1 ± 0.4%)
You got an item: banned book 
(3 ± 0.4%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
Verified to have no resistances or weaknesses.
Locations
References
- The band name is a play on The Beatles. They are also mentioned by name in the description.
- "I Can't Dance", which includes the words "I can't dance, I can't sing" is in fact a song of Genesis, and not only of their band member Phil Collins (who is also mentioned by name). He did however sing the lyrics.