Traumophobic neanderthal

traumophobic neanderthal

Who knows what fears lurk in the heart of <foe>? You do, apparently... and so does everyone else now that you've finished your costume change montage.

After a hundred thousand years in the big giant hole in ice, this costume contains many of the Neaderthals' powers. Which, as far as you can tell, are normal human powers with more clubs.

The costume also comes with a law degree from Firebird College, for reasons you're not entirely clear on.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

• He clubs you. Why mess with the classics?
• He knaps up a nice axe and chops you with it.
• He yells "OBJECTION!" and flails an arm out, accidentally clubbing you in the process.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

• He tries to club you, but he's a hundred thousand years too late to surprise you that way.
• He starts knapping up an axe, but is too worried about banging his fingers to do it properly.
• He yells "OBJECTION!" but the judge overrules it.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain (8*Level, cap 400) experience.

You got an item: SQUID disc: The Universe and Your Tiny Place in it (Unspecified Drop rate)

Looks like the neanderthal had a club he was too afraid to throw.

You got an item: throwing club

-or-

Looks like the neanderthal had a pair of clubs he was too afraid to throw.

You got an item: 2 throwing clubs

Known resistances/weaknesses

Immune to fire damage.
Immune to ice damage.
Immune to electric damage.
Immune to sonic damage.
Immune to acid damage.
Immune to psychic damage.
100% weak to physical damage.

How to Encounter

• Using Fearsome Disguise skill on foes whose weakness is physical damage.
• Foes with no weaknesses also randomly generate this foe.

Notes

• Foes's stats and drops will be replaced by those of the disguised form.

References

• "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!"
• The description refers to the Saturday Night Live character Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
• The third hit and miss messages possibly refer to Ace Attorney video games.