This, That, and the Other

This, That, and the Other

You are fighting This, That, and the Other.

You find yourself face-to-face-to-face-to-face with the surreal villain trio, This, That, and the Other. It's hard to find non-surreal villain trios, really, but these guys are as surreal as it gets.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

This is going to hurt you pretty badly.
That drives her strangely-familiar-looking car straight into you. This and the Other applaud.
This and That distract you while the Other sneaks behind you and stabs you in the back.

They hit you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! They hit you for X damage.

Miss messages:

This is going to hurt for what she just tried to do to you.
That does some donuts in her strangely-familiar-looking car, trying to run you over. This and the Other applaud enthusiastically.
This and That distract you, but you manage to keep an eye on the Other so she can't stab you in the back.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! They takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 72-120 chips.

You gain 96 experience.

You got an item: nicknack (16.2 ± 2%)
You got an item: the other other hand (15.2 ± 2%)
You got an item: that's my car (13.7 ± 1.9%)
You got an item: thistle hurt you more than it hurts me (15.2 ± 2%)