Elite guardian orb

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elite guardian orb

You are fighting an elite guardian orb.

This elite metallic sphere bristles with elite high tech cameras and elite weaponry. You cringe as an unnerving number of those elite weapons orient themselves in your elite direction. Elitely.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The orb extends a robotic arm and gives you the wedgie to end all wedgies with a giant mechanical claw.
A bolt shoots out of the orb and zips your way. In a fantastic show of reflexes, you dodge to the side while also plucking the bolt out of the air. Only then do you realize it's not a bolt, it's a taser wire. You have enough time to think "Uh, oh," before the shock makes you crumple to the floor. (electric) damage
You notice little puffy clouds forming over the orb, right before it emits a tremendous blast of fire. You dodge and then try to dodge once more, but there's no asylum, and you find yourself burned in the aftermath. (fire) damage

It hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

It attempts to give you a wedgie with its giant claw, but it misses and instead hoists you up by your bootstraps. You thank it for the lift.
It fires a laser at you and misses by a good foot and a half. The orb may be constructed from high-tech hardware, but it's only as good as the bargain-basement student programmer who coded its directives.
It shoots a barrage of laser beams at you, but in a strange coincidence all of the beams overlap right in front of your chest and disappear in a stroke of fortuitous destructive wavelength interference.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 45 experience.

You got an item: data plate (9.3 ± 2.2%)
You got an item: memory tube (18 ± 2.9%)
You got an item: titanium plating (13 ± 2.5%)
You got an item: power pak (23.6 ± 3.2%)