Hatchet-handed executive

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hatchet-handed executive

You are fighting a hatchet-handed executive.

Everyone fears this guy. If he catches you making even the slightest mistake, he'll try to fire you. In fact, he'd gladly make up reasons to fire you. In fact, it looks like he's going to try to "downsize" you right now!
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

  • He peers at you and says, "You put forth a great effort, but you just aren't cut out for this. You're fired!" (psychic) damage
  • He chops at you with his hatchet hands and, well, it's far too gruesome to describe here.
  • He swings his wickedly sharp hatchet-hands at you. It cuts like a knife. A really big knife.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

  • He comes at you with his wickedly sharp hatchet-hands, but you ask for him to sign for something. He starts crying over his lack of fingers.
  • He starts to launch into some long-winded speech, but you shut him up by mocking his lousy haircut.
  • He decides to leave you alone a moment and slaps his chopping hands at some tuna, telling you to stop having a boring lunch. Um, okay?

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

Chips-white.gif You gain 100-167 chips.

You gain 133 experience.

You got an item: hatchet Hatchet.gif (14.5 ± 2.7%)
You got an item: off-handed hatchet Offhand-hatchet.gif (14.1 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: shrunken head Shrunken-head.gif (10.8 ± 2.3%)

Known resistances/weaknesses

Immune to electric damage.
50% weak to acid damage.



  • The third miss message refers to the Slap Chop infomercial which includes the line "stop having a boring tuna".
  • The third hit message possibly refers to the song Cuts Like a Knife by Bryan Adams.
  • The first hit message and second miss message refer to Donald Trump in the American version of the television program The Apprentice.