High-sailing accountant
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You are fighting a high-sailing accountant.
Um. Well. Huh. I'm really not sure how to describe this guy. Think accountant with delusions of piracy.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- He ups your premium semi-annually. You don't know what that means, but you can feel your bank account cringing. (psychic) damage
- The accountant marks you up with his red pen until you're bleeding ink. Literally.
- He slashes at you with his cutlass. Despite the name, it actually works just as well on lads.
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- He threatens your premium but you handle your own finances.
- He calls for full speed ahead, threatening to crash you into the shoals of bankruptcy, but everybody's learned to ignore this loon
- He threatens to uproot the whole building and sail over to plunder your hideout. The only threat here is strain from rolling your eyes so much.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 94-157 chips.
You gain 125 experience.
You got an item: eyepatch 
(13.8 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: rubber cutlass 
(14.2 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: red pen 
(15.3 ± 2.7%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
Immune to electric damage.
50% weak to acid damage.
Locations
References
- Refers to the short movie The Crimson Permanent Assurance.