Intimidating janitor
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You are fighting an intimidating janitor.
Well, first of all, this dude is tall. Secondly he looks like he's barely containing violence. Wait, scratch that. He's not containing it at all.
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- He calls a quick meeting of the brain trust and works out the best way to hurt you. It's surprisingly effective.
- He starts telling you about his hobby of stuffing animals. With other animals. (psychic) damage
- He sprays cleaner in your face while complaining of you making him do actual work. (acid) damage
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- He calls a quick meeting of the brain trust and they live up to the ironic nature of their name.
- He starts telling you about his animal stuffing hobby and you counter with a story about how the moon is just the back of the sun.
- He reaches for some cleaner to spray at you, but realizes he left his cart on another floor.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 88-146 chips.
You gain 117 experience.
You got an item: epic mop 
(18.5 ± 2.9%)
You got an item: combat paperclip 
(23.3 ± 3.2%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
Immune to acid damage.
50% weak to ice damage.