Mailroom clerk
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You are fighting a mailroom clerk.
In most office buildings, there's a mail room, where letters and packages are sorted by clerks. This building also has a mail room, but it's full of armor. Who designed this place?
Your opponent attacks ...
Hit messages:
- He winds up and slugs you in the face. Seems he has a chain mail fist, too.
- He hoists up a mail bin and throws the contents at you. A hundred pounds of metal hurts!
- He runs around kind of aimlessly, but his poorly made chain mail jingles and rattles in a really irritating manner. (sonic) damage
He hits you for X damage.
Critical hit message:
Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.
Miss messages:
- He winds up and tries to slug you, but he forgot his gauntlet so he just hurts his knuckles on your armor.
- He hoists up a mail bin and throws the contents at you. The gods of homonyms are on your side and the bin was full of letters.
- He runs around kind of aimlessly. You stifle a yawn as you wait for him to fight some more.
Fumble messages:
Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.
Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!
You gain 88-144 chips.
You gain 116 experience.
You got an item: chain links 
(25%)
You got an item: chain links (25%)
Known resistances/weaknesses
Immune to ice damage.
50% weak to fire damage.