Paralegal paramour

paralegal paramour

You are fighting a paralegal paramour.

Every lawyer show on television has one of these, and it seems they exist in reality, too. She's the eager-to-please paralegal who is always flustered, largely incompetent, but involved with one of the senior partners.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

She bumps into you carrying an armful of files, dropping them all on your feet.
She starts apologizing. And keeps apologizing. And keeps apologizing. She won't shut up! (sonic) damage
She looks behind her as someone calls her name and she crashes into you, knocking you over.

She hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! She hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

She bumps into you carrying an armful of files, but they scatter all over the place.
She starts apologizing but you clap your hand over her mouth and yell at her to shut up.
She looks behind her as someone calls her name and she almost crashes into you, but you sidestep her.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! She takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 93-154 chips.

You gain 123 experience.

You got an item: dainty glasses (15.7 ± 2.7%)
You got an item: relaxing flats (14.2 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: box of files (14 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: alluring business suit (14.7 ± 2.6%)