Translator robot

translator robot

You are fighting a translator robot.

This robot's job is to translate signs. Its "specialty," if you want to call it that, is translating between English and various Asian languages, though deep down it's an equal-opportunity translator and will happily render badly mangled English out of just about any tongue on the planet.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The robot announces, "Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin." It kindly attempts to make you a fur coat, paying no mind to whether or not you're actually a lady.
The robot beeps and says, "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." You look around, but you're the only one there. Guess it's your turn for execution.
The robot prints out a translated menu and hands it to you. It reads "Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

It decides you belong on the menu and treats you like beef rashers.

It hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

The robot whirrs and then asks, "Do you feel enjoy?"

"Huh?" you ask. The translator beeps and spins. Finally it says, "Situation has been exist. Sorry for disturb!" It's weird, but it could have been worse, so you'll take it.

The robot offers dental services, "Teeth extracted by the latest methodists."

You say, "No thanks, I'm Catholic," and it retracts its drill.

The robot is about to attack when it is distracted by a near collision between a pedestrian and a car. Always helpful, the robot attempts to give instructions to the driver. "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacle your passage, then tootle him with vigor. If honorable horse obstacle your path, pull over until he he pass away."

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 31 experience.

You got an item: mangled data plate (20.5 ± 2.9%)
You got an item: nanoprocessor (5.5 ± 1%)
You got an item: electronic cabling (19.7 ± 1.8%)
You got an item: power converter (4.6 ± 1%)