Difference between revisions of "Lack of pies"

Revision as of 20:17, 5 July 2011

This page contains some non specific data which NEEDS SPADING: how many times can it be used?

lack of pies
Plural: lack of pies
This is a large deck of cards, each one blank except for a single typed statement. Each and every statement is written with terminological inexactitude. Prevarication that is; fiction, myth. I'm talking pure balderdash. This pack dies like the level ... lies like the devil!

Miscellaneous Item
Autosell value: 20
Usable
Combat Usable

Dank and Rusty Maze

• band that heeds you
• slick thug
• thick slug
  

You pluck a card out of the deck and read it. It says:

Don't give up! Your opponent has a weakness ...

or

Give him a fast uppercut when he is stunned.

or

Watch his Bull Charge!

or

You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it people like you.

or

If I were you I'd be done by now.

or

I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

or

You deserve a raise.

or

If you type "oink" in chat it opens up a special pig level.

or

This guy totally wants to be friends.

or

You don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.

or

This card good for one level-up at the Heroes' Guild.

or

Join the Nintendo fun club today! <player>.

or

No, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Not at all.

or

Everything is fine. Really.

or

This deck comes with a satisfaction guarantee and a money-back warranty.

or

<player> is the coolest hero name ever. Seriously.

or

I didn't do it.

or

I hear there's a merit badge for beating yourself up.*

or

There's a check in the mail for you.

or

Go to the casino and put everything on Scissors. You can't lose!

or

The Mick is your father.

Final use:
Oops! Looks like that's the last card in the deck.

same as non-combat use, except for the message when being used the final time:

Your opponent smacks the deck out of your hand, scattering the cards to the four winds.

References

• The name of this item is a spoonerism of "pack of lies".
• "I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today." is a famous quote by the character J. Wellington Wimpy in the comics Thimble Theater and in the Popeye cartoons.
• "Give him a fast uppercut when he is stunned.", "Watch his Bull Charge!" and "Join the Nintendo fun club today!" are quotes from the Nintendo game Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!
• The statement "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" was often used by the character Stuart Smalley on the television show Saturday Night Live.
• One of these is in fact true. (*)