Difference between revisions of "Grumpy old smuggler"

Assuming you're willing to put up with some distracting stories about events that occurred long ago and far, far away, this smuggler's instincts are still good for helping you find and keep valuable loot.

Level cap: 20

Full-time sidekick.
Obtained from: highly implausible script

Ability: Item find + stops opponent attacks

Messages

During combat:

• <name> jumps into a long, rambling story that starts, "Boy, I tell ya, the time I did the Kessel run, back when it was in yards, before they went metric, I must have done the whole run in ... what was it, ten, eleven of them? I dunno, but it was harder then. Uphill, both ways, in the middle of January, so you know there was snow. When I finished, my big toe on my right foot had frozen right up. My friend Chewie--his name was Charles but he liked the chewin' tobacco so we called him Chewie--hairy fella he was--stepped on my toe and broke it right off! ..." Both your and your opponent wait for your sidekick to finish.

• <name> continues a lengthy story, saying, "... the toe grew back in the summer of dickety-eight, though, when I accidentally drank some Miracle Gro that I thought was a stash of Tatooine moonshine. Tatooine coming from the pictures of the tattoos that my friend Chewie put on his bottles to make them respectable looking so he could sell them at the market in Mos Eisley. That's a little town in Kentucky, you know. Used to be called Mount Vernon until the cologne wars ..."

• <name> continues with one big monologue, saying "So one time at smuggler camp, me and my buddy Luke--his parents were very religious, you know, brothers named Mark and John--well, we went out to see the Jabba hut, which was this squat, wide mud hut a few miles away made by an older camper named Greg Jabba--I think he was Middle Eastern, but I never got around to asking him, came from someplace with a desert. That's why he made the hut, slimy place it was, filled with frogs and slimy critters and rancor--rancor because we didn't really like smuggler camp, you see ... "

• <name> interrupts the fight to discuss an important topic: "Lemme tell ya, if you do anything at all, stay away from those carbon nanofibers they're always talking about. I got myself encased in a bunch of them once--well, see, first I made a case with carbon nanofiber, but then my pal Landy, see, he lost the key and closed the case--it was a really big case, like walk-in size--so it shut on me, and I was trapped for days. Thankfully Landy could hear me shouting, and fed me thin-sliced deli meat through the bottom of the door to me until we could cut through. Obviously it was a slow process, because those microfibers are pretty strong, and lasers weren't so good in those days ..."

• <name> knows that it's your opponent's turn to go, but <name> attacks first. Yes, your sidekick attacks first! I know, it's completely out of character for a hero, but grumpy old smugglers are above the rules. You'd feel bad, but the attack is pretty ineffective, so no harm done, right?

Sometimes, after a critical hit:

• You grin and let out a little whoop of excitement. <name> eyes you and says, "Great, kid. Don't get cocky."

At the end of combat:

• <name> helps you scrounge for items. You express your profuse gratitude and appreciation for the help, but a cocky "I know" is all the answer you get.

• <name> looks for items to smuggle into the secret cargo hold. You convince your sidekick that the secret cargo hold is in your backpack.

• <name> picks up some items and scrutinizes them for value, but then says "I've got a bad feeling about this." Presuming he found anything, he hands it right over.
  

Notes

• Block rate is about (20.6% ± 3.1%).
• Item drop rate is increased by 2.5*Level %, up to the cap.

References

• The entire sidekick is a reference to Han Solo and Star Wars.

• Chewie (the hairy fella), Luke, Jabba and Lando Calrissian (Landy) are all Star Wars characters.
• Mos Eisley is a city on planet Tatooine.
• In New Hope Han Solo brags that the Falcon made the Kessel Run (a space pathway) in "less than twelve parsecs".
• "The cologne wars" refers to the Clone Wars.
• "rancor" refers to Rancor, a monster from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.
• "Yes, your sidekick attacks first!" is a reference to the Han shot first controversy.
• "Great, kid. Don't get cocky" and "I've got a bad feeling about this" are direct Han Solo quotes.
• A cocky "I know" was Han's response when Princess Leia told him " I love you" near the end of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.

• The "dickety" comes from a rambling story told by Grampa Simpson in The Simpsons.