Crazy scientician

crazy scientician

You are fighting a crazy scientician.

When bad students with good minds fail out of accredited colleges and want to continue their research, their only choice is to enroll in a distance learning program in the field of Scientifics. This scientician has a concentration in Potent Potables, which she has taken at the 100, 200, and 300 levels thus far. She'll be taking Potent Potables 400--which meets twice daily--in the fall with Dr. A. Terbeck.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The scientician whips out a portable electrifimometer and electrififies you with it. (electric) damage
Producing a pen and paper, she begins to convert you from English units to metric. You find the conversion to be a very painful process. damage+ (psychic) damage
She quaffs a bubbling potion and quickly grows to double size, at which point she punts you into next Tuesday. PUNT!

She hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! She hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

She gulps down a can of some fizzing potion. For a moment, nothing happens. Then she belches loudly. Confused, the scientician looks at the can in her hand. "Gingerette?" she says. "How did that get in there?"
The scientician shoots you with an inflamminator. If you had been on fire, it would have put it out, but as it is it does nothing.
She hits you with 1500 kilograms of force. You point out that kilograms are mass and not force. Since F = ma, you define a to be a very small number, and all is fine.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! She takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 96-128 chips.

You gain 105 experience.

You got an item: de-enervation juice (11.5 ± 2.2%)
You got an item: embiggening tonic (9.7 ± 2%)
You got an item: lab coat (7.4 ± 1.8%)
You got an item: caffeine pill (10.7 ± 2.1%)