This, That, and the Other

This, That, and the Other

You are fighting This, That, and the Other.

You find yourself face-to-face-to-face-to-face with the surreal villain trio, This, That, and the Other. It's hard to find non-surreal villain trios, really, but these guys are as surreal as it gets.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

They hit you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! They hit you for X damage.

Miss messages:
and misses.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! They takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain some chips.

You gain 96 experience.

You got an item: nicknack (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: that's my car (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: the other other hand (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: thistle hurt you more than it hurts me (Unspecified Drop rate)