ETU brutes

You are fighting the .

Now, technically, these students from East Twilight University aren't brutes yet, they're just undergrads majoring in Brute Studies. They certainly seem to be on the fast track to villainy if not super...ness.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

One of the brutes shouts "ETU!" and crushes a can on your head.
One of the brutes viciously betrays you! You're actually more annoyed with yourself for being surprised than anything else. damage+ (psychic) damage
The brutes tip over a model building on you, then set it on fire for good measure. When you suggest they fiddle for good measure, they look at you blankly. damage+ (fire) damage

They hit you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! They hit you for X damage.

Miss messages:

One of the brutes shouts "ETU!" and crushes a can on his head. It looks painful.
One of the brutes viciously betrays you! You... aren't as surprised as the exclamation point would indicate.
The brutes tip over a model building on you, but it's only eighteen inches tall, so you're not too concerned.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! They takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 76-164 chips.