Difference between revisions of "Mystical slouch of sorcerous mayhem"

Latest revision as of 01:51, 2 October 2014

mystical slouch of sorcerous mayhem
Plural: mystical slouches of sorcerous mayhem
The slouch has a long history in military circles, evolving out of floppy felt hats from the 18th century. It's a soft hat where you can pin up one side of the brim so that you can easily march with a rifle over your shoulder. Neat, huh?

This particular slouch looks like the mutant hybrid of a stage magician's tophat and an Australian bush hat. Little quivers of power emanate from it. Perhaps it actually is such a hybrid. You feel a little silly wearing it and have a powerful urge to reach inside and see what you can pull out. I guess you've done stranger things.

The slouch currently appears to be full of mystical energy.

March 2011 Item of the Month

Helmet
Power: 40
Item cannot be auto-sold
Usable
Item cannot be worn in runs with a 'no pulls' restriction

+5 Ranged damage

The Wok of Stars

• Available for 10 silver stars during March of 2011.

Have a mystical slouch of sorcerous mayhem (empty) in your inventory on rollover.

You reach into your hat and feel around for what might be inside. I wonder what you'll get?

• You got an item: chubby bunny or
• You got an item: ponderous dove or
• You got an item: razor dove or
• You got an item: crying dove or
• You got an item: super-cute bunny or
• You got an item: vorpal bunny or
• You got an item: endless handkerchief

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and suddenly you get a wild hair that distracts you for ten minutes until you completely forget that you were trying to empty the slouch.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out one last rabbit. It's tall, gangly, and pure white, and it tries to steal your cereal. When you stop it, it runs away in frustration.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and produce a large hare dressed in military uniform. He proceeds to march around your hideout, doing drills, until you open the door and he marches away.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... what you find is the horrific, cursed were-rabbit. Wait, on closer inspection it's Welsh rarebit. You always get those two mixed up. You dispose of the rarebit in the most delicious fashion possible.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and find yourself holding on to the bumper of a small car from the '70s. Some kind of "Folksvagon," the decal says. It's too heavy to pull out, and you're not sure about alternate dimension vehicles, so you leave it where it is.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... out climbs an older, bearded man wearing a small skullcap. He nods at you, says "Shalom," and departs.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a pink drummer bunny. It drums and drums and just won't stop drumming, so you put it back and call it a day.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... out hops an albino bunny, which quickly hides in the most shadowy corner of the room. You never see the bunny again, but for weeks afterward you keep finding strange white vegetables mixed in with the normal ones in your fridge.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and out hops a young woman in a bathing suit, wearing bunny ears. This is a PG game, so Ryme comes by and offers to escort the lady home. Trust me, it's for your own good. Totally.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... you pull out a small coney. It says it can't stay because it needs to go to an island to see about a dog.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... a rabbit runs up your arm, around the room, and out an open window. The rabbit runs so fast you'd think the witch-hounds of Eastwick were after it.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a very badly drawn rabbit who seems to want to play patty-cake. You don't have time for that right now, and ask her to leave.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... all you find is an old, bent TV antenna. You've got cable, so it's no good to you.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a ... jackalope? At least that's what you'd call an animal that's half jackal and have^[sic] antelope, and which seems to be trying to chase and eat itself. Thankfully you can get it outside before it completely destroys your hideout.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a bowl of lettuce. Rabbit food, but no rabbit.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... you get a small psychic rabbit. It takes one look at you, goes into a fit of doom and gloom, and runs away, with a small herd of other rabbits following it.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a talking briar rabbit. It's got a really heavy accent so it's hard to follow what it's saying, but it sounds somewhat politically incorrect. Due to the awkward embarrassment you encourage it to leave.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pluck out what at first appears to be a normal rabbit. Except it's making clucking noises, and starts laying little chocolate eggs. Well, they're egg-shaped, and they don't smell funny, but you're not about to test. Even if it is chocolate, think about where it came from! While you're cleaning up the eggs, the rabbit wanders off.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and find yourself holding a sleeping hare. You don't want to startle it, so you gently set it down on a soft pillow. While you're doing that a tortoise creeps out of the bag, lets out a little testudinal chuckle, and plods on its way.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... what you find is a twisted alien rabbit which takes you forward in time for a while, but then changes its mind and sends you right back to where everything started. Which is right now.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a talking rabbit. He apparently thinks you're a doctor, because he tries to ask you about this rash. It really bugs you when people do that, so you shoo the bunny away for being so rascally.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out one very late rabbit. He looks at his pocketwatch, sighs, and hops away quickly.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... what you get is a framed picture of a rabbit, sloppily etched with the name Roger. It's a nice picture, but a lousy frame job, so you toss it back.

or

It looks like there's one more item down at the bottom. You reach way in there ... and pull out a cute little bunny with a fluffy white tail, that seems to be carrying some lettuce. Moments later an old man in overalls climbs out of the slouch, brandishes a gardening implement, and chases the bunny off into the distance.

You got an item: mystical slouch of sorcerous mayhem (empty)

Notes

• When bought: You hand the shopkeep 10 silver stars, and with hunched shoulders he hands over a somewhat mystical slouch.

References

• The gangly white rabbit is the one from the Trix cereal.
• The marching hare possibly refers to the March Hare.
• Welsh rarebit, also known as Welsh rabbit, is a traditional British food that does not contain any rabbit.
• The car bumper is a reference to the Volkswagen Rabbit.
• The older, bearded man who says "Shalom" while wearing a small skullcap is a Rabbi, which is written quite like (and even sounds like, in the Hebrew pronunciation), but is completely different than, a rabbit.
• The drummer bunny is the Energizer Bunny.
• The albino rabbit is Bunnicula.
• The lady in the swimming suit is a Playboy Bunny. The PG-rating is from the MPAA film rating system.
• The coney message refers to the fact that Coney is also an English word for rabbit, and to the Coney Island hot dog.
• The running rabbit message contains references to the novels Rabbit, Run and The Witches of Eastwick by John Updike.
• The badly drawn rabbit is a reference to Jessica Rabbit in the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
• The TV antenna is a reference to a set-top TV dipole antenna, also known as a set of "rabbit ears".
• In real life, a Jackalope is part jackrabbit and part antelope.
• The small psychic rabbit is a reference to Watership Down
• The briar rabbit is Br'er Rabbit.
• The clucking chocolate eggs laying rabbit refers to an advertisement for Cadbury Creme Eggs.
• The sleeping hare refers to the fable of The Tortoise and the Hare.
• The twisted alien rabbit is a reference to the movie Donnie Darko.
• The talking rabbit who bugs you is Bugs Bunny. Catchphrase "Whats up doc?"
• The late rabbit is White Rabbit.
• The framed picture of a rabbit is a reference to Roger Rabbit in the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
• The rabbit fleeing from the farmer is a reference to Peter Rabbit.