Pier security guard

pier security guard

You are fighting a pier security guard.

Something tells you this security guard isn't 100% honest. Maybe it's the cruel gleam in his eye. Maybe it's the sneer on his lips. Or maybe it's the way he pulled out a giant club and started swinging at you the moment he saw you.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

The guard slams you with his club. "Oof!" you grunt.

"Yeah, you can say that again," the guard quips. He hits you with his club again. "Oof!" you utter a second time. Some wiseguy this is.

You and the guard lock weapons and try to face each other down, but he kicks you in the shin until you have to back off.
The guard jabs you in the solar plexus with his night stick. "Join the club!" he shouts. You groan from two kinds of pain--mental and physical.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

He drops his club. Then, when he tries to pick it up, he accidentally kicks it. He makes a dive for it as it rolls away, but just misses, and then has to scramble to get up again. By the time he's collected the stick, he's out of breath and has to pause and gather himself.
He swings at you, but since you're already on the pier you see it coming and dodge easily.
He swings his club at you in a giant arc, but it's so heavy you've got time to step out of the way before it's built up enough momentum.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 60-100 chips.