Bard

Bard

You are fighting the Bard.

You elect to keep reading. The shouting swiftly grows louder, as a man charges out of the booth and down a ramp to the stage.

The Bard stands before you, dressed in tights and a floofy shirt with a silly puffy thing around the throat. There's a mad gleam in his eye, though, and a rather nasty-looking giant quill pen the size of a spear in his hand. Probably should have mentioned that first, actually.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

• He beats iambic hexameter into your head.
• The Bard punctures you with his quill spear. This pen is certainly mightier than the average... oh, I can't even go there.
• He reenacts the climactic battle scene from his magnum opus on you. Spoiler alert: everybody dies.

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

• He starts to beat iambic hexameter into your head, but you already get it... it's just a terrible idea.
• You duck beneath the Bard's quill spear. Perhaps a sword would have been a better choice?
• He begins to reenact the climactic battle of his magnum opus on you, but stops to berate your footwork. Apparently you're supposed to just let him hit you over and over. Who knew?

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 244-370 chips.

You gain 120 experience.

You got an item: gold coin (Guaranteed Drop)
You got an item: gold coin (Guaranteed Drop)
You got an item: gold coin (Guaranteed Drop)
You got an item: gold coin (Guaranteed Drop)

Known resistances/weaknesses

50% resistant to electric damage.

Locations

• Cube Theater
  

Notes

• Although located in the Cube Theater, can only be fought by using The Bard's Play.
• Defeating him ends the All the World's a Quest, and All the Men and Women Merely Heroes quest.

References

• The picture is a portrait of William Shakespeare.