Catfish lawyer

catfish lawyer

You are fighting a catfish lawyer.

You get the joke here, right? One's a bottom-dwelling, cold-blooded scum sucker and the other's a fish.

Please don't sue me.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

He starts hounding you with a bunch of civil infractions that haven't been enforced for a hundred years and telling you how he'll see you hang. damage+ (sonic) damage
He browbeats you (both literally and figuratively) for interrupting his routine.
He slaps you with his legal briefs. Urgh. You didn't want to see that. damage+ (psychic) damage

He hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! He hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

He starts hounding you with a bunch of civil infractions, but you distract him with Go Away v. Who Cares.
He tries to browbeat you for interrupting his day, but you offer him a cigar and a glass of scotch and he calms down, blaming his mad cow.
He slaps you with his legal briefs. Luckily, they're just paper so it doesn't hurt.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! He takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 93-154 chips.

You gain 123 experience.

You got an item: legal briefs (16.5 ± 2.8%)
You got an item: attache case (15.3 ± 2.7%)
You got an item: chip loafers (13.7 ± 2.6%)
You got an item: business card (16 ± 2.8%)