Killer printer

killer printer

You are fighting a killer printer.

The bane of the office worker. This brutal printer has gone beyond refusing to print your critical cover sheets and reports, it's actively hunting down workers to torment.
Your opponent attacks ...

Hit messages:

It starts printing some reports. Well, it more shreds and mangles reports and sounds like a car that's thrown a rod. (sonic) damage
You'd think it needs to be plugged in, but you'd be wrong. It stabs you with its cord and blasts you. (electric) damage
It blinks "PC LOAD LETTER" over and over again. What does that even mean!? (psychic) damage

It hits you for X damage.

Critical hit message:

Your opponent has a critical hit! It hits you for X damage.

Miss messages:

It starts printing some reports. Huh. Guess it started working right.
You'd think it needs to be plugged in and you'd be right. You wisely refuse to plug it back in.
It blinks "PC LOAD LETTER". You add paper.

Fumble messages:

Your foe fumbles! It takes X damage.

Victory! You beat up your foe and win the combat!

You gain 97-159 chips.

You gain 127 experience.

You got an item: titanium chassis (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: memory tube (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: electronic cabling (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: power converter (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: nanoprocessor (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: data plate (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: mangled data plate (Unspecified Drop rate)
You got an item: titanium plating (Unspecified Drop rate)